Book of Daniel

Chapter 1
Babylon captured Jerusalem (does not say why your God allowed the Jews to become slaves - in the true sense of the word)
Daniel and his fellow royalty were taken to Babylon where they ate vegetables rather than meat and thrived. Daniel was smarter than the rest.

Chapter 2
The king of Babylon had a dream, but he would not tell anyone what the dream was but asked the wise men to guess what it was and interpret it.
God came to Daniel and told him what the dream was, Daniel went to the king and told him what the dream was and its interpretation.
The dream was a large statue made of gold and silver but had iron and clay for feet. The statue was demolished by a stone. Daniel said that that meant that the kingdom would prosper but that God would come after five kings and take over a kingdom to make it last forever. (Oops, God did not come in the past 2000 years, much less after five kings!)
Daniel and his brothers became the rulers over Babylon (hardly a good thing for the Jews, if he had been a good Jew Daniel would have let the Jews go back home).

Chapter 3
Others became jealous of the Jews (Daniel) being in charged and convinced the king that they should be killed because they did not worship the king as a god. The king had them thrown in a fire but they did not die. (Quite a fairy tale to demonstrate how the Jews should not bow to a foreign king).

Chapter 4
Another dream of a tree which was cut down. Daniel said it was the kingdom which would be cut down. But the king decided to believe in Daniel's God and it did not happen (or Daniel misinterpreted the dram).

Chapter 5
Daniel (who apparently was a gourmet of wine) decided to only drink the wine from gold, he had the gold vessels (those stolen from the priests in Jerusalem) to be given to the king, his princes, his wives, and his concubines (apparently the priests were well off - to afford gold to drink from for such a crowd).
While drunk the king saw a hand writing on the wall. The king had forgotten that Daniel could interpret ("I have heard of thee", but it was very soon before this that Daniel did the same, how soon we forget - or the writer did not know that his story was going to be combined with another in this "God breathed" "inerrant" tome), but was reminded and called him in.
Daniel related what was written on the wall " Mene, Mene, Tekel, Upharsin."
Then Daniel proceeded to forget what he said and said the writing on the wall was "Mene, Tekel, Perez"
>>Mene; God hath numbered thy kingdom, and finished it.
>>Tekel; Thou art weighed in the balances, and art found wanting.
>>Peres; Thy kingdom is divided, and given to the Medes and Persians (Oops, the kingdom was given to his son according to people who worshipped Metra).
So the king made him third in line to himself. Then the king was killed and Median took the kingdom (another misinterpretation it was not given to the Medes and Persians).

Chapter 6
Darius was king (what happened to Median, I guess he was forgotten?) and wanted to make Daniel president over the whole kingdom.
Again there was palace intrigue and they made up an excuse to kill Daniel in a lion's den. (If God had saved him from a huge fire, they thought that a mere lion could do the job? How soon they forgot - or maybe this is another story blended into this God "breathed" myth).
Daniel of course was not hurt so the king had the plotters, their wives and their children thrown in to be killed. (Nice guy, what had the wives and children done?)

Chapter 7
Now Daniel is king (why did he not restore his people to their home?). He had a dream, again five kings then God will take over. (Funny it still has not happened).

Chapter 8
Daniel has another dream, again a few kings and God will take over.

Chapter 9
Daniel believes that in seventy years Jerusalem will be destroyed, become desolate. He says that God has already brought the Jews out of Egypt. (What, chapter 1 to 8 have them as captives, all of a sudden they are back?)
Daniel thinks that God has given them seventy weeks to come to God to prevent the destruction and let Jerusalem stand forever.
The angel Gabriel came and said:
Seventy weeks are determined upon thy people and upon thy holy city, to finish the transgression, and to make an end of sins, and to make reconciliation for iniquity, and to bring in everlasting righteousness, and to seal up the vision and prophecy, and to anoint the most Holy.
Know therefore and understand, that from the going forth of the commandment to restore and to build Jerusalem unto the Messiah the Prince shall be seven weeks, and threescore and two weeks: the street shall be built again, and the wall, even in troublous times.
And after threescore and two weeks shall Messiah be cut off, but not for himself: and the people of the prince that shall come shall destroy the city and the sanctuary; and the end thereof shall be with a flood, and unto the end of the war desolations are determined.
And he shall confirm the covenant with many for one week: and in the midst of the week he shall cause the sacrifice and the oblation to cease, and for the overspreading of abominations he shall make it desolate, even until the consummation, and that determined shall be poured upon the desolate.

(You can rebuild but it will be destroyed?)

Chapter 10
Another "dream". God came to Daniel to tell him that God was off battling the Persians. "Then said he, Knowest thou wherefore I come unto thee? and now will I return to fight with the prince of Persia: and when I am gone forth, lo, the prince of Grecia shall come. But I will shew thee that which is noted in the scripture of truth: and there is none that holdeth with me in these things, but Michael your prince."
(A whole chapter to say one thing! God could not both - battle the Persians and talk to Daniel?)

Chapter 11
Daniel "strengthens" God? Then the four kings (again) and the destruction of Jerusalem. Another flood of armies and the end of the world. (Funny it has not happened yet!).

Chapter 12
Michael will come (not Jesus) and take the good (including the good who had died) to become the stars. The angel said that the time frame was to be "the thousand three hundred and five and thirty days". (And still it has not happened?)
He also said that Daniel will be alive at the end of times. (Oops)